Sally Field Played by Sally Struthers September 9, 2008

For just the price of a cup of coffee, we’ll really really like this TV Bio!

Icky Telly Savalas July 27, 2008

He’s icky. Originally my friend Dayna, I think, pointed this out to me.

Also, I have several nicknames for people who yell everything they say (even when they’re not in a bar)…one of those names is “Yelly Savalas”

If you’re curious about the others…I’ll give you a sample: “The Foghorn” — I have met two people in my life that earned this name. One of them was way worse than the other one because she couldn’t always blame being drunk for the yelling.

The original “Foghorn” was a Gin Drunk. She drank “Fun-size” bottles of Gin by the hour while sitting on the stoop where I lived in Oakland. She would eventually empty the bottles out of the pockets of her hot-pink terrycloth jumpsuit out the back window of our building….aiming for the over-filled shopping cart in the concrete “back yard”. I liked to pretend that the smell was a Juniper forest and her daughter yelling “YOU STOLE MY MONEY” over and over was the sound of an incoming storm…perhaps the first signs of Winter.

She was the Foghorn I loved the best. She once defended my “whiteness” against a driver-by while we shared some super disgusting Gin on the stoop after I locked myself out of my apartment. That man was more scared than I was, which is saying something.

The other Foghorn is like a butt that yells stuff. It is pointless to describe her, unless I can make hand gestures to describe her clothing and the reactions of those dealing with her. She is the one who cannot be excused for her FOGHORNETY.

That is the Icky Yelly Savalis Story of the Two Foghorns.

<BRING ME THE HEADS OF THE THREE TALWANIS! — A story for later, I suppose.>

Starring Hooper as Tom Selleck July 16, 2008

Spin-off of “Three Men and A Baby” meets spin-off of “Milo & Otis” = “Milo and Tom Selleck” starring Hooper as Tom Selleck.

Made for TV Movie — Bob Seger Played by Joe Cocker June 24, 2008

Close your eyes…picture a dark living room…the camera angle is from behind the silhouette of a little boy in his jammies…holding a blanket or teddy bear. He’s framed in by the shadowy light of the doorway as he watches the hunched over subject off in the distance. The camera floats slowly over the shoulder of the little boy into the endarkened kitchen where a young Bob Seger (played by Joe Cocker) sits at a small table amongst the spent wrappers of what appears to be Little Debbie Snack Cakes — and Franzia (boxed wine). The typewriter in front of his bear-like form holds a blank page. Strewn about amongst the Ho Ho wrappers and paper cups are wadded up sheets of typing paper. The man is motionless. The man is Bob Seger.

The little boy, concerned for the bearded giant, murmurs ever-so-quietly… “daddy?” — The dark form hurls a snack cake as the boy crouches in the corner….what next? Will he ever come out of this?

Stay tuned for the little known story of Seger’s “Lost Tapes” era. The recordings following his sleepless nights writing these songs of pain…and of freedom…have never been released. Rumors of their whereabouts have become legends…Remember the movie Eddie and the Cruisers? It is said that with a few obvious deviations, the plot was lifted from the very life of Bob Seger’s darkest days.

From the pages of his son’s memoirs we bring you: “Bob Seger: The Lost Years”

Made-For-TV-Biography: Tom Selleck Played by Sam Malone June 23, 2008

My friend Angi and I enjoy figuring out who could play who in made-for-TV-biographies. It is obvious that if Sam Malone was an actor and not an ex-baseball pro/bartender, he would be perfect to play the role of Tom Sellack.

What do YOU think?